Before I had children I didn’t cry much. I mean I cried over the usual stuff, break-ups, death etc, but TV, books, films and so on didn’t make me cry. I’m one of those weirdos who didn’t cry at Dead Poets Society, and I did use to wonder if I had an important part of me missing.
Then I got pregnant. And it all changed. In my first trimester one of my cats died and I took to my bed for the whole weekend, crying, like some kind of Victorian heroine. (In my defence it was the first pet I’d ever had that had died as we’d never had pets as kids, my parents seemed to think that having 5 children was enough.)
I thought the tears would go away once I’d had the baby. Oh no, not so. When L was 5 days old I came home from hospital (5 days is the usual hospital stay in France), Hubs cooked me a rare steak, knowing how much I’d missed that during pregnancy. And how did I react? By bursting into tears. Which I quickly realised were hormonal, so he ate his steak while I sobbed through mine.
I assumed I would go back to the usual heart of stone, doesn’t cry much, me. But not so. Suddenly everything made me cry. Especially where children were involved. I heard a child cry, I wanted to cry. I heard a child laugh, I wanted to cry (from joy/not being with my child at that precise time).
Where I once teased my sister for crying at anything and everything on TV I had become her. I cannot watch one single episode of Greys Anatomy or One Born Every Minute without crying. Sobbing.
School assemblies are a disaster for me, I have to wear waterproof make-up for them and any other “show” that L puts on.
On holiday last summer whilst pregnant with C, I read an amazing book by Jojo Moyes, called “Me before you”, ,I was on the beach when I got to that part (if you’ve read it you’ll know the bit I mean), and suddenly I was wracked with sobs, proper, can’t get my breath sobs. On the beach! Thankfully Hubs was in the sea with L and I could hide behind my sunglasses.
We’re on holiday at the moment and yesterday a boy of about 8 burnt himself quite badly in the hotel restaurant, and I was a mess. I don’t know this boy, or his family, yet I was fighting back the tears, the only reason I could hold it together was because I didn’t want L or C to see me crying.
Am I the only one who has become an emotional wreck since having kids? Mothers of older children, reassure me, it will go away, won’t it? Won’t it?!?
Little do you realise at the time that the effects of pregnancy aren’t just physical.