Another month. Another negative.

Anyone who’s been trying for a baby for a while can tell you how gut-wrenching it is when you realise that this month is not the month. And that is what happened to me today.

It doesn’t matter how you realise you’re not pregnant, the pain is the same. I have had months when it’s been because my temperature has dipped and stayed low, other months when the familiar monthly cramps start, warning me of what’s to come, and then there’s the clearest message, the negative pregnancy test.

I may be wrong, but I do tend to think that the only people who can really relate to this pain are those who have taken a while to conceive too. They too can understand your heart sinking, the sickening feeling in your stomach and the realisation that what you’ve spent the last few weeks hoping for and dreaming about is not about to come true.

Having said all that I really can’t complain; it took us 8 months to conceive L (age 30) and this time round (age 36) we’re now on month 6. I know that in medical terms this is not a long time, and for those who tried for years, and even had to give up their dream of becoming mums, this is nothing. But for me it felt like forever the first time round and this time again.

There are always those well-meaning people – who you want to throttle – who will remind you of your monthly failure by saying things like “you’ve been married for ages now, isn’t it about time you started thinking of starting a family?” which is what I got when trying for L. This time round, as it’s 6 years on, it’s “surely you’re not going to leave her as an only child, a baby brother or a sister is long overdue.” Those are the comments you really want to hear on the days you’ve got a negative!

And so it is today that my hopes are dashed again. I was going to do a test this weekend if nothing happened this week, but the familiar cramps from last night have materialised today into full proof that this month is not the month. I’ll try and keep my chin up though, only another couple of weeks before we can start trying again, and then another couple of weeks after that it might just be a positive…

For those trying to conceive, this book was invaluable for our conception with L, and has proved very useful again this time round:
Taking Charge Of Your Fertility: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement and Reproductive Health: The Definitive Guide to … Pregnancy Achievement and Reproductive Wealth

We are also trying this product which has good reviews, this month was the first month and it didn’t work but who knows what next month might have in store:
Conceive Plus Fertility Lubricant Individual Use Applicators – 8 Pack

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